That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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