Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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