i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
