i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
