I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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