we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
