Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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