Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Come on in and take your pants off
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