i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
