My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
