I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
