he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
