garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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