The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
