please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
