How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
