what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
