so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
