new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There r osticjed everywhere
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
