he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
