Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
