Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
