Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
