Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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