This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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