there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
