There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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