remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
