there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
