East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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