I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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