i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
