I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
