I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
