i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
