guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
