Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
