Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
