I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
