i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you had me at cake vodka
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
