its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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