he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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