i used baking grease as lip gloss
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
