So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
