I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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