Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
