just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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