did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
