He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
