is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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