You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
