I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
