you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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