Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
