I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
