her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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