Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can't special order awesome
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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