I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
