So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
