I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
