i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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