Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
