Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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