You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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