fuck your aforementioned shoe
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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