Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
