If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
